TED演讲：如何愉快地交谈
https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=s0326uk1494&width=500&height=375&auto=0
Celeste Headlee （NPR的主持人兼记者）
10 Better Rules to Enjoy Better Converstations
演讲原文/译文摘要
（点击左下角阅读原文查看全文）
We're less likely to compromise, which means we're not listening to each other.
我们更不倾向于妥协，这意味着我们根本没听别人讲话。
And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be, based on what we already believe.
我们做的各种决定——住哪、和谁结婚、和谁交朋友——都只基于我们已有的信念。
Again, that means we're not listening to each other. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.
再重复一遍，这只说明我们根本不听别人讲话。一段交谈需要在说和听之间取得平衡，而不知怎么的，我们失去了这种平衡。
I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
我开始意识到：交流能力，可能是最被我们忽视的、没有好好教授的技能。
这个问题听起来可能有点好笑，但我们必须问问自己：“在21世纪，有什么技能会比维持一段连贯、自信的谈话更为重要呢？”
So I have 10 basic rules. I'm going to walk you through all of them, but honestly, if you just choose one of them and master it, you'll already enjoy better conversations.
我有10条基本规则，我会一条条给你们解释，但说真的，即使你只选择一条并且熟练掌握了它，你就已经可以享受更愉快的交谈了。
Number 1: Don't multitask.
第一条：不要三心二意
If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it.
如果你想退出交谈，就退出交谈。但不要身在曹营心在汉。
Number 2: Don't pontificate.
第二条：不要好为人师。
If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog.
如果你想要表达自己的看法，又不想留下任何机会让人回应、争论、反驳或深入，写博客去。
You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.
你需要在进入每一次交流时都假定自己可以学习到一些东西。
The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself.
著名心理治疗师M•斯科特•佩克曾说：真正的倾听需要你置身于自己之外。
And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion.
有时候，这意味着把你的个人观点放在一边。
Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't." I put it this way: Everybody is an expert in something.
比尔•奈伊说：“每一个你将要见到的人都知道你不知道的东西。”用我的话讲就是：每个人都是某方面的专家。
Number 3: Use open-ended questions.
第三点：问开放式的问题。
Let them describe it. They're the ones that know.
让对方去描述，对方才是了解情境的人。
Try asking them things like, "What was that like?" "How did that feel?"
试着这样问对方：“那是什么样子？”，“你当时感觉怎么样？”
Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much more interesting response.
因为这样一来，对方可能需要停下来想一想，而你会得到更有意思的回答。
Number 4: Go with the flow.
第四点：跟上主题。
【Andy译注：这里不应是“顺其自然”的意思。】
Number 5:
If you don't know,
say that you don't know.
第五点：如果你不知道，就说你不知道。
Do that. Err on the side of caution. Talk should not be cheap.
要学着这样做，谨言慎行，谈话应该是负责任的行为。
Number 6:
Don't equate your experience with theirs.
第六条：不要把自己的经历和他人的划等号。
It's not the same. It is never the same. All experiences are individual.
这是不一样的，永远不可能一样，每个人的体验都是独特的。
Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his IQ was, and he said, "I have no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers."
有人曾问史蒂芬•霍金他的智商是多少，他回答道：“我不知道。拿智商吹牛的人都是屌丝。”
Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
交谈不是用来推销自己的。
Number 7: Try not to repeat yourself.
第七条：尽量别重复自己的话。
Number 8: Stay out of the weeds.
第八条：少说废话。
Number 9: Listen.
第九条：认真倾听。
I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could develop.
我说不上来到底有多少重要人士都说过倾听可能是最重要的，它是你能培养出的最重要的技能。
Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, "If your mouth is open, you're not learning." And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man ever listened his way out of a job."
佛曰——我用自己的话讲一下：“如果你在张嘴说，你肯定什么也没学到。”卡尔文•柯立芝曾说：“从没有人是因为听太多而被开除的。”
Why do we not listen to each other? Number one, we'd rather talk.
为什么我们不愿倾听彼此？首先，我们更喜欢说。
He said, "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply."
他说：“我们大多数人都不是为了理解而听。我们是为了回应而听。”
Number 10: Be brief.
第十条：简明扼要。
A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. -- My Sister
“好的交谈就像是条恰到好处的迷你裙；足够短，能够吸引人，又足够长，能够包纳（盖住）主体——我妹” 【演讲PPT内容】
All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and it is this one: Be interested in other people.
所有这些都浓缩成同一个概念，那就是：保持对他人的兴趣。
And I kind of grew up assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them.
我在成长中默认了每个人都有不为人知的精彩。
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